I had some revelations this morning. This is very intimate stuff. I’m going to feel a bit embarrassed because some of this stuff is going to sound a bit crazy, maybe. But what the heck, here goes. If you get critical try and be kind.
1) The child is at the 3rd chakra; the source is at the 4th. The angst you may feel in the chest is the source trying to pierce thru to reach the call of the child. For there is now emptiness, also a great fear of letting go and so for now there is great resistance and the resistance to what you seek is the pain.
2) In the beginning there was one. Then the critical parent was allowed to enter and it created separateness. One part was the source the other was the child. The source is in the mode of loving; the child is in the mode of receiving. The parent is the go between. The parent must fulfill the role of the source, because the child believes in the parent; if the child didn’t then the child wouldn’t exist and there would be no separateness. Remember the story of the Garden of Eden. Remember Buddhist thought of existence and suffering.
3) The source is both the outside and inside. There is love that can be received from within going out and there is love that can be received from around you showering down or all around you, encasing you. And so you are the darkness in between, the separateness without which there would only be one. Remember the hypersphere.
4) When you are in union with the source you are the source. But this state is to be distinguished from an ego-filled state of I’m greater than you. It is more of a matter-of-fact statement that I am the source, the giver of love and if you ask for love I must give it, because that is my purpose. This state is very much one of service, not of being served.
5) Your goal is to bring all back to one. For all that are separate love them and bridge the darkness, bridge the gap, and bridge the separateness.
The child within that becomes angry, love him. You are the adult/parent loving that child. You exist because the child exists. The child exists because you exist. Soon you surrender to the source and be one. Soon you the child listen directly to the source.
Hear the language of the source. The source speaks more in a language like a young puppy giving licks to you when you cry from sadness and loneliness.
I’ve become to be able to hear the Source speak to me. It’s not so much an audible voice but rather a being immersed in love and in that huggy/lovey/nurtured state your mind starts to blurt out thoughts/words coming from the static like one sees patterns in supposedly random cloud or star formations. It’s like that voice that comes out when you’re involved with something bigger than you that everyone touts is the newest, and greatest and you are in the minority that says something doesn’t feel right that possibly the small, the original, and the simple was the best. That feeling that something doesn’t feel right is the voice.
This is why it brings you so much joy now to think of working in a soup kitchen. Because it feels so much like an honor and gift to be in communion with the source. To serve the source. Then to become the source and serve the child/children. To be one. To be. It is so real. It is so grounded. It is so love. It nurtures me. It nurtures my child. And it even nurtures the critical parent and adult. It makes me smile. It gives me joy, even ecstasy.